Stress x 5

My mom has been moved to hospice - as much as she wanted to die at home, she is just too sick to be there, at least for now. She is down to 79 pounds, and I've never seen anyone so thin. You can see each ligament in her hand and fingers, her skin is like paper. But her mind is fine, and the breathing treatments they are giving her have helped her breathing so much that she is able to talk without gasping for air like before. They are treating her cellulitis and giving her prednisone, which is helping her appatite. She ate more today than she has in the last month (if you call 1/2 a sandwich eating a lot!). Its hard for me to be around my parents under "normal" circumstances, and now it is so much worse. There is so much pain and hurt left unspoken, but how do you even find words? And how can they be spoken under these circumstances? So they go left unsaid - burried under a couple dozen Tums and whatever chocolate I could scrounge. Tears are left for the drive home - quietly and left only for the passing glances of strangers to see.

As if to kick me when I'm down, my son has chosen now - at age 20 - to "rebel". All the things I expected to deal with during teen angst are now coming out in full, "I'm a man now and you can't tell me what to do" glory. Now, now that he is old enough to get in serious trouble without the excuse of being an irresponsible juvenile; now that he is old enough that consequences have long range damage, not just a stern lecture and 2 weeks without tv. Now that I'm still reeling from my husband's cancer diagnosis and I'm closing down a business that I loved and that was a major contributor to our household income. Why do kids have such rotten timing, and why do we call 20 year olds "kids"? Calgon, take me away.............