Can you believe it?

Can you believe it? I can't! I have shingles, again! You may remember about 3 or 4 years ago I had them in my eye. This time they are on my face again - I have blisters on my ear drum, on and in my nose and my throat. They hurt like hell - I'm on prednisone, valtrex and dilaudid and am still in misery. So if you don't hear from me in a few days, now you will know why!

Home again, home again, jiggity, jig!

We had to take a two day trip down to eastern Tennessee on Tuesday to attend the viewing of Noel's brother-in-law's father, Robert Steele. Noel has known the family since high school so he feels close to his brother in law and his family, so we felt the need to pay our respects. (I've been in the family close to 30 years). We got lost so it took us forever to get to Rogersville, Tennessee, and we arrived just in time to drive straight to the funeral home. The viewing was over at 8:00 p.m., and at just after midnight, Granny Grace died. Now I've never met Granny Grace, she's lived in the back woods of Tennessee her whole life, but can you imagine poor Rick's mother? Burying her husband and losing her mother on the same day? And poor Rick, burying his dad and his grandma dieing the same day? Tragic! So after a big breakfast with lots of family around, we headed back home. The weather and stress has me overwhelmed with pain, so I slept most of the way home. We did however, stop at a scenic overlook on the way down, and at the Lincoln Museum and Berea art center on the way home. Here are some pictures I took:

The Berea Artisan Center / stained glass window

Noel in front of the Lincoln Museum

A scenic overlook near Cumberland Gap

A cute handcrafted teddy at the Artisan Center

I also like to follow a blog of a fellow Etsy artist (www.ThursdaySweetTreat.blogspot.com ) and she posted a challenge this week to submit art work about the theme "Dreaming in Color" - I took the challenge both literally and figuratively and submitted the following two pieces of art - the first a colored pencil sketch, the second a rainbow necklace - I think they both turned out rather well!

Also, to end on a spot of good news for a change, I had submitted one of my earring designs to Bead Style Magazine and they've decided to publish it! I don't know how much it will pay, but its always a fun reward to see your work in print, so I'm tickled pink!

For those of you that have been asking, mom is about the same - holding her own at home and washing down vicodin with wine, complaining about her husband and kids and sneaking a smoke when she can (In spite of the dire warnings I received when I was going to light birthday candles on her birthday cake that I would blow her up because of the use of oxygen in the house!) My oldest sister from Colorado is coming in this week to see her, so this should be interesting! This sister has been "banished" from the family for the last 7 or so years so she and my mother haven't seen each other all that time, and just now began to communicate on the phone. I'm wondering if a reconcilliation is something my mother needs in order to feel better about passing on. I swear if I were reading about my life as someone elses, I would think it was all fiction! And so the saga continues.......stay tuned!

V-Day!

Happy Valentines Day all! I've spent a good part of the day in the studio with some excellent results. Here's just a sneak peak:

Just another day

February seems to be dragging on and I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of a few sprouts of tulips, daffodils, or the many hyacinth bulbs I planted last year. Mom has survived another day, although I don't know how. I struggle with feelings of wanting to love her for the frail, frightened, tearful old woman she is now, and yet I can't let my guard down with her. Years and years of disappointment, hurt, guilt, shame and abuse she spewed upon me make me on guard. I've learned that if you show the slightest sign of weakness or emotion it is akin to a wild animal showing its neck, and they go for the jugular as if I were her prey. She may be frail, but her words can resonate in me like I've been beaten by an army. An army of crazy Hungarians! And so the dysfunction continues - words and feelings going unsaid. She wants my forgiveness, I can feel it, and I want a sincere apology, a feeling of love from a mother that I know she is incapable of. And so the elephant in the room is ignored, and I listen to her complaints, make her as comfortable as possible, and bring her more wine.

I can remember being a small child, being sent up to Franks Party Supply on Smithville Road - given a quarter to buy a treat for myself, and she would have called ahead and they would give me two or three bottles of wine to carry home to her. I would walk ever slower and slower, knowing that when I got home, she would drink it and the next couple of days were going to be "her bad days". The feeling in the pit of my stomach, the sense of dread... I still feel that sense of dread as I drive to Kettering to see her. I have to force myself to visit my dying mother - a sense of obligation. I can't wait to get out of there, then feel guilty for feeling like that, then I feel guilty for feeling guilty. Oh the bizarre nature of relationships between mother and daughter, parent and child, crazy Hungarian and Crazy Hungarian child!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Etsy

I just love the website http://www.etsy.com/ - I spend way too much time looking at all the amazing and creative artwork on that site. I came across this:

Its a box that says "shit list", and inside it has names and little dead head ping pong balls with blood! Her website is http://www.thetinytragedies.etsy.com/, and for some reason, I found this hilarious! The older I get, the bigger the box would need to be! LOL Guess I'm feeling a bit of dark humor today - must be all the Darvocet I've had to take to get through the day with mom! I also just love the photographs on Etsy that have been taken "TTV" - Through the Viewfinder of another camera. I've tried it, and so far I've not had much success, but isn't this beautiful?

This photo comes from the site www.Ketzelphotography.Etsy.com - check it out! I love his/her work - you know me - flowers and birds are some of my favorite things in the whole world! Have fun checking out Etsy and let me know what you think!

Peace!

A little junco just outside the window this morning promised me it was going to be a peaceful day! And it was!

What an uneventful and pleasant day! Noel was at work, I cranked up the music and made beautiful jewelry all day! It was good for the soul! I reconnected with an old friend which brought a smile to my face and mom was so happy to be at home with her wine and cigarettes she hardly complained at all! A very successful day by all accounts!

Blue blossom earrings

Blossoms and bows - very "vintage" looking but I made them today! Watch for more coming soon - I'm liking the look!

Tax Time

There are certain aspects of being a "small business owner" that I love, and others that I dread.

The good: you set your own hours, get to make what you like, no one telling you what to do!

The bad: No steady paycheck, no sick leave, by setting your own hours and working out of your house, you are always at work and thinking about work, and you have to do all your own paperwork, and that means taxes!

I spent the day organizing all of my business expenses, reciepts, etc., and when you add up all those receipts for "just a few of these beads", "omg, these stones are gorgeous", and "I MUST have a few of these clasps, oh, and add a few feet of this pretty chain....", its amazing how much you can spend! Oops!

The tax man a'cometh next week. That reminds me, I'd better stock up on chocolate and alcohol! LOL!! Today I thought I would show you a picture of my best friend from childhood - I can't believe we've known each other close to 45 years! In high school she had blond, Fara Faucett hair, blue eyes and big boobs - the trifecta of popularity! I got to date her date's friend - if you know what I mean! But I still love her dearly - she lives in Dallas now and was here for just a short time to deal with her aging mother. Isn't being in the "sandwich generation" great!



Speaking of mothers, they gave my mother a few units of blood and sent her home from the hospital in an ambulette from hospice. We've been told the cancer will spread quickly, and she is pretty much immobile now and constantly incontinent with both her bladder and bowels. We are still tag-teaming her care between my dad, brother and I, and may have to ask my sister to come as well, since I just can't lift her and am dealing with my own health problems, which only seem to be compounded by stress!

As if this post isn't depressing enough, Angela, the niece pregnant with quads, lost "baby A", the smallest of the embryos, so now she is pregnant with just triplets. A blessing in disguise I'm sure, but upsetting to her none the less. Its amazing how much as mothers we bond with the tiny little lives living inside of us!

So send prayers, send chocolate, send tequilla, send money, send me some sanity!

Mother Update

Well, it comes as no surprise, but mom's health continues to decline. Since she has been in the hospital with her broken hip and not in hospice, they of course have run a bunch of tests on her and confirmed what I've thought all along. Its cancer. Of course she isn't going to pursue treatments, at this stage what's the point, but its still upsetting. Having lost several good friends to cancer, I know the weeks ahead are going to get ugly. The falling and broken bones are just the tip of the iceburg. She won't undergo hip surgery, she will be unable to bear weight, which leaves the three of us having to lift her and/or clean her up the best we can. She won't go back to hospice, she wants to die at home. So I just try to be as supportive as I can be and try not to let myself get lost in their craziness.

I'm ready for market tomorrow and ready to see my wonderful and supportive friends and customers. I hope I can book a few home parties for March - the website and Etsy sales haven't panned out just yet, and I'm kicking myself in the pants for going to New York. I planned the trip months ago, before I knew how tight money would be. With the 10% unemployment rate and all the bad news the media continues to report, it fails to mention that 90% of people ARE employed, are still shopping, eating out, driving their cars and are sick and tired of the gloom and doom exploited and sensationalized in the world!

So I continue to do my part - I'm keeping the jewelry suppliers in business and beautifying the world one well accessorized woman at a time. Now its time to to your part and support local, independent artists (not just me, but I'm ok with it if you do buy from me!! :) ), and go out in the world with a smile and a great pair of earrings!

At the Circus

I spent the day with the three ring circus that is my family. Mother fell,, the second time this week, and this time broke her hip. She is in the hospital and despite the doctors, nurses, hospice, and others, she is refusing to go into a nursing home or back to hospice. She insists she "vill be fine, darrrrling..." at home. She poops or pees almost every 15 minutes and is running the nurses ragged getting her on and off the bedpan. My dad is clueless and puts up with so much abuse from her now I don't know how he hasn't slipped her some arsenic by now. My brother is trying his best, but my mother is an expert at trying your patience! Oh Calgon, take me away!

I did get to spend 3 days in New York with my friend Jean - we went up to see the Broadway play Billy Elliot, and I have to say, it was incredible! The storyline, the music, the dancing were all great, the use of the stage and how they transitioned time through the story was superb! The first day we were there the weather was great so we got to walk around Times Square and I of course went to the fashion district and spent hours in the bead stores. The second day it was cold and snowing, but we managed to be humbled by the beauty of St. Patrick's Cathedral, ate the most incredible champagne truffle at a Rockefeller Center chocolate shop, watched the skaters, window shopped on 5th Avenue, and walked around Greenwich Village in the snow before heading to our show. Wednesday morning we took in the Empire State Building in below zero windchills before spending the rest of the afternoon at the airport waiting for our delayed flight.

I figured out why New Yorkers are all so thin - the food is SOOOO expensive, and you have to walk everywhere! I ate the most amazing, and most expensive steak I've ever had (and get this, sides are extra!! Mashed potatoes were an extra $10! Needless to say, I ate meat and the free bread!) And I saw Katie Holmes out on the street. She is even more beautiful and elegant than in the magazines! I tried to take a picture, but it didn't come out very well.

A short trip, but fun and I bought a treasure trove of beads and new findings I haven't seen anywhere else, so stay tuned for some new lovelies just as soon as I have time to sit down and make something! In the meantime, I leave you with a few pictures from my trip.....